Even though I have plenty I should be doing every day, I still seem to find the time to let my mind wander. This is never a good thing. It’s been wandering everywhere lately, and most that read this will know where it’s been wandering to.
Over the past couple of days, I’ve been finding myself wondering what my purpose is. What am I doing here? Why am I where I am? Why are things so difficult for me, but so easy for seemingly everyone else? How do I get out of this “funk” (for lack of a better, more descriptive term) that I’m in?
I recently read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. In it, he talks about how it’s easier to accept your circumstances if you know you have something to live for. If you give up and tell yourself things will never get better, that’s how things will stay. He uses his time in a Nazi concentration camp to illustrate his points. (The book is a great read, by the way, and I recommend it.)
Now, I have goals set for myself. I’m going to get through this summer unscathed. I’m going to finish the novel I’m writing for my thesis. I’m going to graduate on time in December. And, if all goes well, I will be admitted to the University of Denver for my PhD in Creative Writing and will start there in the fall of 2012.
Those are my goals, both short and long-term. They’re set, and I’ve spoken with others about many of them.
Even though I have these goals, I’m still struggling with why I’m here. What am I doing here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin? I’m going to school, yes, but what’s the bigger purpose? Is there one? I’ve been asking myself these and many other related questions, especially over the last five months.
Out of all of this, out of all of the things that have happened to me, both recently and in the past, I’ve come to one conclusion regarding my purpose:
I am here on this Earth for you. To be whatever you need me to be. To be a friend, a sounding board, someone to talk to about your deepest fears or your happiness, or, if it’s in God plans, to be something more. That is what I’m here for.
You’ll never read this. I know that. But I needed to write it.
Maybe, someday, you’ll come across it. If not, that’s okay, but know that it’s here.
And so am I.